i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
