Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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