His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
