i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize