But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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