So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize