Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
