sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
