well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
