We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
