Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
