If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
