She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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