just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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