You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
