I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
