sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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