Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
