i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
