I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
