I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize