I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize