why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
