hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
