You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize