Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
