So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
