Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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