took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
