i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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