I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize