you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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