Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
