so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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