Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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