i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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