i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
