I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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