I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
