I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Randomize
