New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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