okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't think brook has ever known best
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
