Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
