EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
