She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
