You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
