this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
