I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
