Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize