I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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