My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
