I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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