I cannot find my penis.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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