i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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