funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
