awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize