I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
