I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
