dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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