I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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