I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
