Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
