My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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